# 260 - 07/31/2009 at 10:52 | 3 Comments | Share
Dear me, don't EVER shit in a bar bathroom. EVER!!! Cause the one single time you finally give in... some dude kicks the door open expecting an open toilet to puke in. Of course you're sitting in the fuckin way and he can't hold it so he vomits all over you instead. Realizing that the person he just puked on might beat the shit out of him, he punches you in the face and breaks your nose. Please, listen to me. They will never let this story go.

# 45 - 06/30/2009 at 03:25 | 3 Comments | Share
The day of your Chemistry final you will have a choice to take a shit and be late, or hold it. Go drop the deuce my friend.

# 1 - 06/05/2009 at 06:51 | 3 Comments | Share
I know right now you think you love Amanda more than anything but whatever you do... don't sleep with her, she has genital herpes. However a BJ is fine.

# 277 - 08/05/2009 at 01:48 | 15 Comments | Share
Stay away from DC! She will make you think your in love and convince you to do horrible things to family and friends to get you all to herself. You wont get any of those friends back and you will end up homeless. So get as far away as possible!

# 208 - 07/23/2009 at 02:01 | 1 Comments | Share
When your dad buys you a new Lexus SC instead of a Range Rover for your 16th birthday, don't forget MTV is filming you. You are now known as the most spoiled little bitch on the planet and it will never be forgotten.

# 272 - 08/04/2009 at 08:43 | 3 Comments | Share
Wondering why your husband spends all night on the computer? Delete this folder:

C:\Documents and Settings\Richard\My Documents\My Pictures\Family Photos\Richards 40th Birthday\New Folder\New Folder\System32\100101\pr0n\movies

It's his porn.

# 159 - 07/20/2009 at 03:45 | 4 Comments | Share
Have more confidence in High School. You were fucking awesome!

# 177 - 07/20/2009 at 10:20 | 6 Comments | Share
If you're gonna masterbate 6 times in one day, use lube.

# 91 - 07/14/2009 at 09:49 | 3 Comments | Share
When Sarah tells you those are "birthmarks" around her vaginal area... DONT BELIEVE HER!!!!!!!!!!

# 133 - 07/16/2009 at 10:34 | 2 Comments | Share
Dont rush into mom and dad's room thinking mom decided to imitate the way a moose sounds.

# 259 - 07/31/2009 at 05:52 | 5 Comments | Share
Say "I love you", say "I need you", make sure he knows...he will die in a car accident and you will regret not saying it everyday for the rest of your life.

# 230 - 07/27/2009 at 10:26 | 4 Comments | Share
Quit your new job at Hooters before you end up blowing the manager and getting fired anyway. On the plus side: he'll have a huge dong and he'll go down on you too; it'll be decent, you've had better, but it's definitely not worth losing your job over.

# 239 - 07/28/2009 at 12:12 | 6 Comments | Share
Wash your hands after fingering your gf. If you don't, you'll just feel weird having to shake her parent's hands 15 minutes later when you meet to have dinner with them.

# 279 - 08/06/2009 at 10:09 | 2 Comments | Share
Dear me, stop eating spicy food. Seriously, my insides are so effed up I can't take it anymore. It's like shitting a nuclear holocaust out of my asshole.

# 451 - 09/16/2009 at 11:02 | 2 Comments | Share
Don't interrupt Taylor Swift's acceptance speech at the VMAs. Everyone will hate you and even the president will call you a jackass.... BUT SERIOUSLY, BEYONCE HAD ONE OF THE BEST VIDEOS OF ALL TIME! OF ALL TIME!!

# 127 - 07/16/2009 at 02:29 | 0 Comments | Share
On your trip to Italy, the entire church youth group will be sleeping in the same hall and there will be co-ed bathrooms. You know that toilet without a seat? It's a bidet. Don't shit in there.

# 131 - 07/16/2009 at 05:40 | 4 Comments | Share
Clear your web browser history

# 21 - 06/16/2009 at 03:13 | 3 Comments | Share
A few years from now you will embarrass yourself on national television by taking 11 men to the Maury Povich show and determine that none of them are the father. Save yourself the trouble, STOP FUCKING.

# 107 - 07/15/2009 at 11:05 | 5 Comments | Share
Don't shoot the Pepsi commercial because your hair and your life will never be the same from that moment on

# 122 - 07/16/2009 at 12:22 | 7 Comments | Share
Just remember this...at the end of the game, the King and the Pawn both go in the same box.