# 43 - 06/29/2009 at 01:17 | 4 Comments | Share
When you and your wife try anal for the first time, make sure she has already taken a shit first.

# 49 - 07/02/2009 at 04:02 | 1 Comments | Share
3 years from now you will have no girl, no friends, and will be 40 lbs overweight... but at least you'll be a level 70 in WoW. You decide.

# 267 - 08/03/2009 at 11:51 | 1 Comments | Share
You know those candies you found in mommy's purse? Those are not candy, it's birth control. Put that shit back.

# 64 - 07/12/2009 at 05:37 | 4 Comments | Share
Go to Med School instead of Dental School, You don't have to get mad at your patients to show up to an appointment. They're life will depend on it, not their tooth!!!

# 146 - 07/18/2009 at 04:34 | 5 Comments | Share
The next time you have a date with two girls, be sure it's not the same place at the same time. Please, both are cute and they don't know each other, please, both of them like you, please, don't be so stupid and please check your calendar. Otherwise this will follow you for the rest of your life...

# 204 - 07/23/2009 at 12:19 | 9 Comments | Share
call out his name.

# 46 - 06/30/2009 at 03:40 | 2 Comments | Share
The jewelry store you are going to rob has a donut shop right next to it. Think about that for a second.

# 109 - 07/15/2009 at 12:14 | 0 Comments | Share
Warn everyone about 9/11 and Katrina

# 420 - 09/04/2009 at 11:20 | 1 Comments | Share
When you find your dad's porn collection... ignore the cassette tape sitting at the bottom of the box. For the love of god, don't listen to it. It's YOUR dad.

# 57 - 07/08/2009 at 03:47 | 4 Comments | Share
If Kevin ever asks you to be his wing man tell him to go fuck himself... now she's your co-pilot with a cargo dump in 9 months.

# 68 - 07/13/2009 at 08:23 | 2 Comments | Share
You're an idiot. You think you can handle anything. You think you're invincible. Well guess what... the person next to you isn't. So please just listen to me. You've had too much to drink, don't get in that car.

# 231 - 07/27/2009 at 10:35 | 6 Comments | Share
When you see Morg and Top fighting naked don't try and stop them. Afterward, everyone calls YOU a faggot.

# 522 - 10/25/2009 at 07:16 | 2 Comments | Share
Tell that brown-eyed boy you are in love with him. 7 years down the road, you still will. So you can tell him now - or keep your mouth shut, and spend the rest of your life wondering "what if..." (and still be hopelessly in love with him, constantly denying it)

# 559 - 11/28/2009 at 11:02 | 1 Comments | Share
Keep a closer eye on Ms. Gadney's kids. Cell phones can be replaced, children cannot.

# 225 - 07/26/2009 at 08:23 | 2 Comments | Share
When your g/f asks if she can check something on youtube on your computer, make sure you have deleted your browser history so sites like youporn.com and youjizz.com don't show up in the drop-down menu of recent sites you've visited. Damn you Firefox!

# 234 - 07/27/2009 at 02:10 | 3 Comments | Share
Don't tell everyone that you took Sandi to formal and didn't plan on fucking her. Donny finds a bunch of condoms in your suitcase and calls you out and you end up looking like a fool. Plus, you never end up fucking Sandi, ever.

# 284 - 08/06/2009 at 09:24 | 4 Comments | Share
When things get rough, don't fucking move to St Louis! You'll become involved in drugs and a severely abusive relationship that you're lucky to get away from with your life!

# 59 - 07/10/2009 at 10:35 | 1 Comments | Share
You know that anal gift-basket your friends got from the sex shop as a gag gift for your bachelorette party? Throw it away! Your mother finds it a day before your wedding and has a heart attack.

# 184 - 07/21/2009 at 11:36 | 1 Comments | Share
Kill that son of a bitch Hitler when you have a chance. You may die for it, but 60 million others will owe you their lives.

# 411 - 09/02/2009 at 01:47 | 3 Comments | Share
when at that pub in ireland your first night there....don't drink that last pint before leaving....it is a long drive back to your cousins house....and you will have to piss...halfway there you will stop on the side of the road...a little tipsy...and fall...cock first into a thornbush.