# 332 - 08/19/2009 at 01:14 | 3 Comments | Share
Don't spread peanut butter on your balls and let your dog lick it off. He's a freakin pitbull. Did you really think he was just going to lick?!

# 60 - 07/10/2009 at 11:54 | 2 Comments | Share
Just kiss her.

# 128 - 07/16/2009 at 03:13 | 3 Comments | Share
As much as you didn't think it will happen, that girl at the bar WILL reject you and that Grey Goose bottle WILL end up in your ass.

# 228 - 07/27/2009 at 10:21 | 6 Comments | Share
If you're friends start calling a girl Crushinator, and you don't like her, then that's when you stop seeing the Crushinator. End of story.

# 255 - 07/30/2009 at 02:23 | 11 Comments | Share
Snape kills Dumbledore. Now put the fuckin book down and go get laid already. Jesus.

# 296 - 08/11/2009 at 12:56 | 6 Comments | Share
Kiss him. Tell him you'll do anything to make it work. Don't wait for the fairy tale, just kiss him already before it's too late.

# 328 - 08/19/2009 at 12:18 | 4 Comments | Share
Don't tell him you love him. You'll become more of a bother than everyone else. You don't want that. To have both of you happy, you just need a healthy attitude. Keep being the quiet kid who pays attention to him and smiles at him and comforts him, but he's made a difference to you. Don't ask for more - it'll just ruin everything. Don't seek him out - you may have self-worth issues, but this time you are right about what he thinks of you. Be thankful you met him, grieve as you need to, and expect better days that will indeed come. If you have a little faith all will be fine.

# 4 - 06/07/2009 at 03:22 | 1 Comments | Share
You know that nerdy kid WIlliam Gates who sits next to you in high school? Give him the best blow job of his life and don't stop until he puts a ring on your finger.

# 11 - 06/11/2009 at 06:59 | 0 Comments | Share
March 15th 1998, go home for lunch. Your friend is fucking your wife.

# 118 - 07/15/2009 at 06:39 | 4 Comments | Share
You know that tatoo of King Koopa you are going to get? Well one night you get drunk with your buddies and this happens: King Koopa

# 283 - 08/06/2009 at 09:21 | 3 Comments | Share
JD is normally full of shit, but when s/he says to stay away from AP because she is a "lesbian predator" save yourself the pain and listen! She lies, cheats and steals!

# 431 - 09/08/2009 at 11:09 | 2 Comments | Share
When your wife asks you if she's fat, don't respond "I like a little meat on my woman." The argument that brews from this single comment results in a snow-balling cluster fuck of non-stop fighting all the way to the lawyer's office. And oh yes, she takes half... that bitch.

# 50 - 07/06/2009 at 09:09 | 0 Comments | Share
When you call in sick at work the day after your birthday, don't write "Still drunk as fuck!" on your Facebook status that morning.

# 142 - 07/18/2009 at 10:51 | 2 Comments | Share
It's you're last semester in college and you're on academic probation. One more screw up and they'll kick you out of school. So when you go take your final exam today, don't forget to write your fuckin name on the test paper!

# 165 - 07/20/2009 at 01:36 | 5 Comments | Share
Even people you love and trust with your life will lie to your face if it helps them feel better about themselves or their actions....ALWAYS REMEMBER THIS!!!!!

# 229 - 07/27/2009 at 10:22 | 2 Comments | Share
When the French girl asks to have sex...have sex...you end up fucking her later and believe me: you could have been having French sex on the reg if you wanted it and weren't such a pansy.

# 439 - 09/10/2009 at 12:03 | 0 Comments | Share
You're gay. Not the way your friends say "that's gay" but in the way that you love a man's penis. Big... giant... amazing...HAHAHAHAHA, gotcha! You gullible son of a bitch.

# 457 - 09/18/2009 at 11:44 | 5 Comments | Share
don't believe that's he's always going to be around for you to fall back on. don't remember how he would spend all night talking to you about his life. don't bring up his past and tell him you can still change things. don't promise him that you're willing to destroy who you are to be with him. don't remind him about the times he said he would always love you. and please stop texting him. just move on and be happy without him. why can't you understand that he's not going to come back this time?

# 66 - 07/12/2009 at 06:30 | 3 Comments | Share
Dont wait to get your permit, it will make your life so much easier!

# 92 - 07/14/2009 at 09:49 | 3 Comments | Share
When you get a ball stuck in a tree at 8 years old, please find something other than a BRICK to throw, have it land on your head, miss the circus you were going to and get 5 stitches in your skull!