# 224 - 07/26/2009 at 12:53 | 3 Comments | Share
Use that 200 bucks from your birthday on something fun. Like alcohol. Not those books for a class that you flunked.

# 166 - 07/20/2009 at 02:12 | 2 Comments | Share
When she calls you, and wants to talk...don't tell her to call back, because she won't. And you'll regret, NEVER taking the time to talk to her. You love her, and you still do, to this day.

# 192 - 07/22/2009 at 02:48 | 4 Comments | Share
Pay the $1.30 for the toothbrush at Rite-Aid BEFORE you use it in their bathroom. If you don't, you're going to get arrested for shoplifting... YES, YOU WILL GET ARRESTED AND TAKEN TO COURT OVER A TOOTHBRUSH!

# 100 - 07/14/2009 at 08:14 | 1 Comments | Share
Instead of looking at facebook all day... look at FIXMYPAST.com and be #100!!!

# 222 - 07/25/2009 at 11:09 | 2 Comments | Share
Make sure she swallows because your leather interior is done for if she doesn't.

# 238 - 07/27/2009 at 07:10 | 4 Comments | Share
When your new boyfriend tells you his family has "complete veto power over his love life," dump his ass IMMEDIATELY- regardless how big his dick is, how funny he is, or how much he likes interacting orally with the hoo hoo--- he's a sadistic whack job!

# 245 - 07/29/2009 at 09:24 | 4 Comments | Share
Just a tip... if you ever have sex in your g/f's parent's bedroom, make sure the condom actually flushes down the toilet.

# 264 - 08/03/2009 at 08:03 | 0 Comments | Share
Remember watching how cool it was when the kid from Home Alone rode down his steps in a sleigh? Well he had an open door at the bottom, and you have a wall. Think about that for a second while re-adjust my fake teeth.

# 303 - 08/13/2009 at 04:45 | 4 Comments | Share
Nothing tastes as good as feeling thin. Put the cookies down.

# 466 - 09/25/2009 at 04:51 | 4 Comments | Share
When he tells you he is going to war, laugh in his face. He is just trying to get a reaction out of you, and trying to get you to have sex with him before he 'leaves'. He never was, or will be, going to Afghanistan. He is a coward, and a liar. I know he is your best friend, but do not waste your tears and sleepless nights on him. He is not worth it.

# 379 - 08/27/2009 at 01:50 | 1 Comments | Share
Your wife doesn't have a headache. She just hates having sex with you. Go practice with someone else.

# 175 - 07/20/2009 at 09:27 | 5 Comments | Share
If your a lesbian, try not to fall in love with your straight best friend.

# 199 - 07/22/2009 at 09:44 | 7 Comments | Share
Don't start a fight with the crazy black girl who just called you a bitch.

# 268 - 08/03/2009 at 07:27 | 1 Comments | Share
When you use your sister's digital camera, don't view the pictures that she saved on the computer...you'll regret it trust me.

# 415 - 09/03/2009 at 12:44 | 6 Comments | Share
Dear Self, Don't call fat girls when your drunk or horny. They call back and want to fuck, even though your thoroughly disgusted with yourself or don't remember because you were too drunk.

# 416 - 09/03/2009 at 12:48 | 3 Comments | Share
Remember: the words you say might hurt people, the worlds you say will hurt people; when you're enraged remember that what you say will leave lasting pain. Speak carefully and thoughtfully. Thing twice before speaking.

# 422 - 09/05/2009 at 10:11 | 3 Comments | Share
Tell Dad you love him and kiss him goodnight... Youll eventually get over it.. Because he wont be there for much longer...

# 99 - 07/14/2009 at 08:11 | 4 Comments | Share
Don't spend all of your bar-mitzvah money on rims. Instead invest in Microsoft and Google, it will get you more pussy in the long run.

# 460 - 09/21/2009 at 06:01 | 1 Comments | Share
Don't trust everyone, they're not always who you think they'll be.

# 448 - 09/14/2009 at 11:30 | 0 Comments | Share
A burglar is going to break into your house tonight. Sit at the front door and wait... with your shotgun.